you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
