we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize