I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
