Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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