Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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