My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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