Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
