A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
