How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
