I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
