her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
