I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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