It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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