I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I still have a little drunk in my system
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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