We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
