I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize