I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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