I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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