Only a mothe r could love this liver
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
