I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize