so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
