Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I didn't notice because vodka
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize