You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
