the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i was born a porn star she said
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
