i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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