Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
