When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
MIDGETS
????
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
