i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize