My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
