is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
