I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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