whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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