I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
