Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
