I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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