if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
