I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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