how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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