I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
