Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
