Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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