I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
