Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
