Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize