If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize