Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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