I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
