i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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