***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
