i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
