And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
