you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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