so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
