I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
