the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
