It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
