all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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