i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
