You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
