Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
