im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
