Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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