Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
