I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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