You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
