I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
bring money and cleavage
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
