i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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