I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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