i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
