I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
