I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
