Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
