i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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