is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
