We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm passing your future prison.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
