I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
