remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
