I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
