so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
