i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
