I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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