dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
