saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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