Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Randomize