you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
