why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Randomize
