Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize