Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
