My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
