I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
