I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize