She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Randomize
