Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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