38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
