I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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