before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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