I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
