weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
