yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
