I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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