oh god the rape fog is back!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
