I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
