the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
