I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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