She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
