I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
