sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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